How does poor working memory & ADHD affect communication?

As I’m writing this article I pause, go to google to search for ... I forget what I opened google for, I swipe up and see Instagram open, I end up scrolling, I share a video of a dog. I get frustrated and try and remember what I was doing, I head back to my article draft and I still can’t remember what I wanted to google. I guess we’ll never know. 

If I asked you to recall the last conversation you had, could you confidently recall every detail? If you can then please collect your medal and swiftly leave via the exit.

So what does happen when you forget crucial parts of recent conversations? When you can’t recall how a situation panned out? When you disassociate so much from a situation, especially when emotions are involved that it’s like you can’t even access that part of your brain anymore?

Poor working memory isn’t just forgetting things. 

Your working memory is the crucial part of your brain that is vital for temporarily holding information. ‘Many people with ADD/ADHD have difficulty with working memory. They may have difficulty with recall, focusing, organization, and distinguishing between important and unimportant cues. They may distract easily, become forgetful, or have difficulty getting started on tasks.’

This is why you could literally try and make a mental note and a second later your mind is completely blank, yet you can still remember the brand of shoes you wore to primary school. 

Poor working memory is often laughed at, when losing your keys for the 9th time this month (no exaggeration) or locking yourself out in the rain for the 3rd time. But it can take a much more sinister turn when it comes to communication. 

What happens when you are in an argument trying to recall something but you don’t get the details right? What happens when someone has upset you and you try to explain how it made you feel but you can’t quite recall?

It can land you in some pretty hairy situations. No one likes being told that they said things they didn’t & people really don’t like to be criticised especially when you don’t even get the details right.

If you are lucky enough to of won the jackpot of comorbid conditions it’s likely that you’ve met 1st & 2nd place, anxiety & depression 🏅‘Experiencing high levels of anxiety can severely impact your working memory capacity. This is because more cognitive energy is devoted to managing the anxiety. Therefore executive resources experience disruption and cannot focus on elements of the working memory.’ 

When trying to communicate with ADHD, anxiety can show up pretty quickly and suddenly you have got one on either shoulder trying their hardest to ensure that anything that comes out of your mouth is nonsense. Your heart rate gets faster. Before you know it you can’t even remember what you were going to say and it’s time for our third friend emotional dysregulation to drop in and pop the cherry on the top 🍒 

Of course if you are lucky enough to be surrounded by people with exactly the same inner brain workings as you (blessing and a curse) then a few of these stressful situations can be avoided. However that’s not always the case and sometimes communication doesn’t go quite to plan.

‘Stress has a big impact on how memories are formed. When stressed, people have a more difficult time creating short-term memories. Stress can affect the type of memories we form as well. If we are stressed during an event, we may have more difficulty accurately remembering the details of the event later, as the stress we felt colors our perceptions as well as our ability to recall what we perceived at the time. This is part of why eye-witness testimony is so unreliable—people can be absolutely sure they saw something a certain way, but this doesn't mean that they are correct.’

A mix of poor working memory and emotional dysregulation can leave you feeling pretty vulnerable. It’s really important to know your boundaries and your possible triggers before entering a potentially stressful conversation (sometimes easier said than done). If you feel comfortable doing so always try and communicate beforehand the things you struggle with so the other person has a better understanding of the angle you are coming from.

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